i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
