She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
