Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
