with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
