dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
