whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize