i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
