You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
