So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
