WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
birth control should be required to get into college
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
