i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You pole danced in your parka.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
