Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
