Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
