those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
