where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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