I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
they need to just BURY HIM!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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