I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
