i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
