birth control should be required to get into college
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
