You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize