Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
