Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
