I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
