omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So vagazzling was a success
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
