i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
