Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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