I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
