just come out here and I will go home with you...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
ttyl tear gas
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
