So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
