dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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