I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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