The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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