fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
