You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
