My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
