you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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