We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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