hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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