You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
