I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
