for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
