I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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