I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
