I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
