he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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