i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
