My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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