I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
