the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
