guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
