smell my finger.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
