can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
