she told me i tasted like america
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
