So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
