at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sober January is a disaster.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
