i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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