well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
