It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
