Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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