Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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