TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
