she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize