I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
