When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
there is glitter all over my balls
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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