i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize