So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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