R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
