Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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