He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
