He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize