i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
