when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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