dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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