we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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