Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
