Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
3pm strippers are depressing
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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