All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
