I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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