i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
